My thoughts for the day

Today i walked back the same route to kkh, wondering if i could walk the same painful path alone.
Hubby told me to take a longer route so that i will not have to walk the same familiar path but part of me just wanted to walk that same road.. Its quite sick, like inflicting pain on myself .. Or i just want to challenge myself to face the pain so that i can heal.
Sometimes i don't understand myself too.

Hubby prepared my ipod for me to listen along the way so as to distract me. This ipod is really good after so many years . As i was listening to Don Moen songs, i can't help but tears just brimmed to my eyes. He would have regret preparing my ipod for me if he knows i m teary again.

Today saw a familiar face at the ivf center and we started chatting. I got to know that they have faced loss before and have been trying many years to get pregnant too and coincidentally they have also been married for 9 years. Their transfer couldn't be done and my heart went out for them as i saw the disappointment and sadness.
I silently prayed a prayer that we would both be able to receive our bundle of joy .

I was chatting with a colleague about baking. The only thing that i ever made was cheesecake & to bake using cornflakes. As i asked him if he has baked cornflakes before, the words i uttered out made me feel uncomfortable as i recalled my baby's nickname.

I saw this article and was really touched as it write out the true feelings of a mum who faced a loss.

http://thelewisnote.com/a-letter-to-my-rainbow-baby

A beautiful Megan necklace from Daddy

Dear Megan,
Yesterday mummy received my promotion award, i knew you would be rejoicing for me in Heaven though i wished you were beside me to share my joy but i know that you have never left me coz you are always in my heart.
If given a chance, i would choose you over the promotion though i know that this promo is indeed still a blessing from God.

On 24 March, daddy give me this beautiful necklace engraved with your name. It was a pleasant surprise from him & it made me tear when i received his msg.

"I know Meg is very close to your heart so this is my gift to her mummy.
I would think she will be very proud n glad of her mummy's recent promo as well."

On 17 Mar at our HCD Retreat, i got to know abt the promo. After the whole event, i went home sat on the sofa and started tearing. I was thinking God has been good to me . There was alot of mixed and welled up emotions.
He has answered specifically when i asked for a govt job at toa payoh . He has answered my prayer for a child for years when i prayed that he would give me this gift at Christmas Eve and i got to know my pregnancy on 24 Dec 2015 though i dun know why you have to be taken away.  He has also answer my prayer for a promo.

Lord, i prayed that you would give us babies once again. Help us to trust in you, to be brave and courageous. Help us to see that you have been faithful and real in our lives, that you would give us earthly siblings of Megan into our lives. Amen!